so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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