i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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