Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just gargled with NyQuil
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
