hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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