her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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