I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
