It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
