boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
