We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
