i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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