I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
