You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
