well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
