It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize