Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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