Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize