apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
