Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
