I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
