it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
