there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
