So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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