Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so that wasnt chicken after all
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
