Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
