currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
