Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
