The best revenge is premature balding
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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