so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
