you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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