So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
