A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
