dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
How external is "for external use only"?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
