his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
