Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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