theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
