my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
