yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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