you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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