I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize