she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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