I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize