after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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