Umm I'm too high to move.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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