How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
