Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
