my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
