Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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