I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So here I am, sexting at work.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
