So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
