drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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