Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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