I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
