I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
