gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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