Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize