Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize