Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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