I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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