I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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