I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
