Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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