Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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