Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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