Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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