i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My cat gives me a boner
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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