Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
