he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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