I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
