I love black thongs
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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