Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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